Is the End Near? Really?

With an ever-growing list of dates for the end of the world it is difficult to rise up and react each time with the proper level of fear. I have to admit I was a bit jittery last December. According to the sudden expiration of the Mayan calendar there should have been an apocalyptic event that would have ended the world. That’s like finding someone’s diary, noting the date of the last entry and concluding that it is predicting your death.  I think. But what do I know, I’m just a dumb old girl.

NASA scientists have come forth to end the confusion and explain to us that predictions were off by a few months and we are due to face devastation, destruction and annihilation on October 1^st of this year. We (the earth) are in the direct line of a solar flare and because of the lining up of the planets to clear its path should be blasting us with blowtorch intensity in a few short weeks. What will happen? There will be a worldwide blackout, death, and sudden climate changes causing death, tsunamis, earthquakes and radiation. Did I mention death?

The end of the world has threatened me every year since 1967.  One web site touted over 250 well-known predictions but I think there are far more than that. I have to admit, they got to me in 2000 (Y2K). I was expecting all electronic devices to stop, banks would be left vulnerable, no food, no water and death. Yes, death. What happened? Nothing. But a lot of companies spent thousands of dollars upgrading their systems to prevent collapse and it’s a good thing they did. Somebody got rich.

What will the person or groups ultimately say who accurately predict the end of the world?

“Told ‘ya.”

And on that day I’ll feel like a gigantic horses patoot for not believing. I have to admit I am more concerned with age spots than sunspots. Are my teeth white enough? Are these bananas organic, how can I protect my family from the evils of gluten? Will Steinmart have their next 25% sale before summer ends and when will gas prices stabilize?

Reports are showing that FEMA is spending millions of dollars on survival supplies to be delivered to District 3 before October first. Okay, and if I sit and watch NASA scientists on YouTube, I will slowly begin to stop. Stop writing, stop singing and stop caring. What’s the use? It’s all ending anyway. Why do anything except be afraid?

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to feel like that. That’s right, I’m going to risk the embarrassment of not heeding the warning and continue to live my life as if it is my last day, love the precious people in my life and throw sweet caution to the wind. I just hope I don’t get cited for littering.

What Me Worry?

Growing up, I learned many valuable things from my mother. Things like, the television gets really clear just before it blows up and if you swallow a fingernail it will puncture your intestines and never eat a banana before going to bed. The most beneficial piece of advice though, has carried me through most of my life; always expect the worst and you’ll never be disappointed.

Of course, there are things that have to be taught by example, words just aren’t enough. There is an art to worrying that has been developed primarily for aesthetics rather than utility. Hands must be wrung dramatically. My mother had brick-red knuckles. I have tried, but have never been able to achieve the same shade although I’m happy with my current skin tone which borders on unripe watermelon. Crossing oneself is helpful if of the Catholic religion. I have crossed myself just to see what it is like but I’m not Catholic so it doesn’t count. When the back of the hand is pressed to the forehead coupled with a facial grimace, the effect can be inconceivable. This stance is usually to induce guilt in others but can also foster compassion. If someone tries to reassure the worrier, they may receive a look that suggests something bad is going to happen to them. Pacing can be effective but only if done while muttering.

“You’re always the one who gets hurt,” has stuck with me since childhood. Funny, it sure seemed that way when I was little. I realize now that probably all children get hair brushes tangled in their hair and have to have them cut out, and have been knocked down by a stray dog leaping through a screen door and I’m sure there are plenty of kids who have been run over by the family car.

If you don’t tell someone to drive safely, or be careful, they will be in a horrible accident. I don’t know what the statistics are on this, in fact, I don’t know what the statics are on a lot of things but “they say,” by not cautioning someone before they set out may cause them to become unstable and make poor choices. I don’t take any chances, I tell loved ones to be careful. It always makes my mailman smile.

If you don’t tell someone you worry about them, you will be in a horrible accident. I think my mother confused love with worry. If she didn’t worry about you, she didn’t love you. If she didn’t love you, she didn’t worry about you. It made sense to her.

I’m still not sure if anything bad will happen if I eat a banana before going to bed but I don’t intend to find out.