Sunday, August 29, 2010

Emotional Intellectual by Day, Basket Weaver by Night

There will always be buzz words. Without them, how would anyone toss around the Toro poo poo, especially in the corporate world? Uh-oh, I think I just used another buzz word. We’ve all heard them… words like, Six-Sigma, Paradigm, Synergy, Thought Leadership, Best Practices and Revolutionary.

I don’t know what you’re talking about and I wish you would shut the hell up.” Then again, saying that wouldn’t be emotionally intelligent, would it? Do you hear a buzz buzz buzzing noise? Emotional Intelligence, the idea that one can measure emotions to determine if they are intelligent seems to be the new gauge for success. Think about it though. How many times have you wanted to say something rotten to someone, especially if you thought they deserved it, but nodded and smiled instead? If you didn’t say it, is that emotional intelligence or just being an old fashioned bootlicker? If you did say it, would that mean your emotional processing and problem solving ability was in good working order? I’m confused. I have taken IQ tests before and have a pretty good idea of where I stand on the intelligence totem pole but how can anyone test their emotions?

For instance, if you would look at pictures of my family as I was growing up, you would see smiling, happy, fun-loving people. Are you kidding? There is no earthly reason we should have been smiling. We were saying cheese or boobies or something else with an ease on the end of it. It was exhausting. If people can smile for an inanimate object that flashes and burns dark green spots on their retinas, then don’t you think they do it for other people?

Do we really fake emotions? You betcha’. Maybe a better buzz word would be emotion management. Some say the ability to explain your feelings is part of emotional intelligence. The inability to understand your feelings would prove that there is a lack of innate emotional intelligence. If you feel uncomfortable in someone’s presence and don’t know why, does it mean you are emotionally stupid, or just need to say, “you give me the friggin’ creeps!” Of course that wouldn’t be socially desirable, especially in the work place.

For the emotionally unintelligent, and you know who you are, I have invented a device that will harness emotions. It comes in black nylon, multi-colored knitted yarn or genuine leather. The collar and harness places the weight of the emotional load onto the shoulders, without any restriction on the intellect. Leather is recommended for heavy emotional hauling. The reins are used to guide the unexpressed feelings to a neutral area without impairing judgment. Once emotions have successfully been hauled to the safe zone, they are disposed of with the use of chemicals. Alcohol works best.

Harness emotions responsibly.

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