Common Sense Isn't That Common

My husband was helping me set up the Bluetooth in my car today.  The quick reference guide was fairly easy to understand but some of the instructions seemed unnecessary. Silly warning labels and tips written by Captain Obvious always make me smile until I realize the cost of the oversized instruction book; the ink and labels are always passed on to the consumer.  But why go to this ridiculous trouble? Well, the main reason is because lawsuit-obsessed Americans have forced them to.

One of the bullet points in the Bluetooth basics said, and I quote: Do not speak at the same time as the other party during a call. If you and the other party speak at the same time, it may be difficult for the other party to hear your voice and vice versa. This is normal.  Why did they include this in the set-up guide? Probably because some blabbermouth called the dealer to complain that their Bluetooth didn’t work. My mother always said, “You have two ears and one mouth dammit. That means you should listen twice as much as your speak.”  Good thing she didn’t write instruction booklets.

I’ve seen labels warning not to iron clothes while you’re wearing them, not to use a curling iron on your eyelashes, don’t use a hair dryer while you are sleeping, don’t use a match to check the fuel level on your lawn mower and a microwave oven may say, not for drying pets. Of course you will always find that silica packet in new electronics, purses and wallets that says, DO NOT EAT.  You know what this means don’t you?  It means that someone in this world has done these things and then tried to blame the manufacturer for the results.  How else would they come up with such nonsense?

I thought it might be fun to make up some additional helpful tips of our own. Here are a few of mine, please feel free to add to the list:

Prescription label: Remove glasses before applying eye drops.

Box of Ammo: Not for sensitive skin.

On a microscope: Use open eye to view slides.

On a cell phone: Do not use as a coaster.

On a mini CD: Do not substitute for Ninja stars.

On an electric stapler: Do not throw at co-worker.