Sunday, February 10, 2013

Tarts, Sours, and Crème de Poo Poo

Finance Blogs are reporting that Valentine’s day may be a little more expensive this year due to the increasing cost of raw materials, almost 5% higher to be exact. The cost of producing perfume, chocolate and silk has risen considerably but it is the cost of Cocoa that has risen a whopping 15% in a year. A dinner for two has dropped 9% and that may be the best choice for your wallet but make sure you are making the healthiest choice for your well-being. 

I watched children in the Walmart aisle today, laughing and pointing up at the familiar February landmarks. Their father glumly followed after them, glancing up at the big red hearts suspended from the ceiling.  Valentine’s Day is hard to miss, with reminders stuck on every window. Must buy… candy, cards, perfume, flowers, jewelry… or suffer the consequences. What might they be? A guilt trip for one? A night on the town by yourself? What is the worst thing that could happen? I read sometime back that a woman killed her thoughtless husband with a single blow from a 16” enamel, cast-iron, Panini pan. Death by cookware.

It’s come to this, the words I love you, mean nothing more than paper or plastic. That is, paper meaning money, and plastic equals’ gift card. When did love turn into, “if you really loved me, you’d….” Buy me a, diamond, take me to Oistins fish fry in Barbatos, or how about a C250 Mercedes? When presented with these options, it isn’t so hard to pick out a mushy greeting with a $ card for itunes, now is it? A word to the wise…come along peacefully.

When I used to start sponging up the feelings that commercialism tends to project…your nobody till somebody loves you…I would dig into my home improvements file, and pull out my divorce papers.  Incidentally, I received my final papers from Van Nuys court, in the mail on a certain Valentine’s Day, years ago. No kidding. I imagine some court clerk laughing maniacally and calculating the correct date to mail out hundreds of final decrees so recipients would receive them on that particular Valentine’s Day. Thanks.

If the divorce papers didn’t work, I would remember the special Valentine’s Day when I received an oak toilet seat, which was just one of the grounds leading up to the divorce in the first place. I was a good sport about it though. I installed it in the oval room.

I don’t think this way anymore. After many long years of being single, I finally found a man I am truly compatible with. I don’t expect him to buy me expensive gifts. I only want what he gave me before we actually started dating. It was a half melted Symphony chocolate bar that he had in his glove compartment. He put it there so he wouldn’t forget to give it to me the following week. It was so deformed it made me laugh out loud. It was the best candy bar I had ever tasted.

The history channel claims Valentine’s Day is marked by the beginning of birds mating season. This confirms my suspicions that Valentine’s Day is truly for the birds. If you want to know more about the history of Valentine’s Day, just click on this link:

You will learn about the Roman ‘lottery’ system that paired couples. I believe this ritual has been resurrected by Internet dating. 
St. Valentine was beheaded in the year 269 A.D. or thereabouts. But it just goes to show you, whether you lose your head over love or get struck by a cast-iron Panini pan…you just can’t win.


  1. As a guy I'll admit that Valentine's Day is the holiday I look forward to the least. Too much pressure.

    1. Ah, Stephen, you have written so many wonderful things about Mrs. Chatterbox, it makes up for any Valentine's gifts you may have forgotten. :)

  2. Yes, the world seems to have gone bonkers for this "if you love me, get me. . .". However, I am only seeing this with the people who are too young to be considered 'baby boomers'. Yes, I am one. Those of us in this age group remember the rebellion against materialism in the 1960s and early 1970s, better known as 'the hippie era'. Yes, cards make us happy and are somewhat expected. Beyond that, if we are graced with something, we are genuinely surprised and oh, so grateful.

  3. My husband's good friend (a guy) said, "Sure, I tell you what... I'll buy in to Valentine's day, which by the way was created by Halmark and Zales Jewelry, ONLY if in June we have a "Beer and BJ" day." You have to know the guy, it was a funny comment, not meant to be rude, ok, a little crude though :)

    I like that you just want the candy bar, because of the memory. I think that's so sweet!

    1. What a coincidence, Aleta, my husband's nickname is Bj. No, not because of that. LOL, Just short for Bejan.

      Thanks for the comment, and I hope you had a Happy Valentine's Day!