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Have you ever noticed something about yourself that truly
chaps your hide? Of course, we all have, unless you are a sociopath and have no
defects. Maybe its something that you thought you had overcome or perhaps grown
out of. Like when someone obviously delivers you a verbal jab and all you do is
shrug (passiveness) or you are offered a piece of something remarkably decadent
and you really want to taste it but you find yourself saying, “no thank you, I
don’t have room for one more bite” (insincerity). What about that juicy story
about a friend of a friend that truly bears repeating (gossip) or pretending
you are more important and more prosperous than you really are (phony) to
compete with someone's possessions or accomplishments (envy)?
Looking your defects dead in the eye is uncomfortable. What
have you seen? Well, let me tell you what I found. It would seem I have a very strong cast of
character defects. One look at the list
I had written sent me running to another session with Dr. Weakly. Our transcript
follows:
Dr. Weakly: So, you are back again. It has been a while.
Me: I guess I thought I was better.
Dr. Weakly: (with arrogant smile) what do you think is the
root of your obsession with inconsequential things?
Me: What do you mean?
Dr. Weakly: You have more mood swings than a big band.
Me: I was hoping you would help me overcome my defects, not
criticize and judge. Two heads are
better than one you know.
Dr. Weakly: Really? If
you introduce another head into this equation chances are you will simply bump
heads. Besides, I’m not so sure your head is operating at 100% of a full head.
It could be as effective as pumping oxygen into an open field.
Me: What?
Dr. Weakly: Take a look at all the things you have achieved
in your life.
Me: (Frowning)
Dr. Weakly: Never mind. What you need to do is look at your defects
with clean glasses. Use some lukewarm
water and gentle soap or a microfiber cloth. You can’t reach your mental
infrastructure by reverse brainstorming.
Me: Can you give me an example of how to see my defects more
clearly?
Dr. Weakly: Are you expecting me to do your work? You think
because I charge you two hundred dollars an hour that it will bribe me to lie
to you? Do you think I have amassed my great wealth by means of fraud? Think hard. I know it sounds like a monumental
task but can you name one thing you have any ability in?
Me: Ability?
Dr. Weakly: What is that voice in the back of your mind
saying about you? It must be exhausting to drag that uncertainty around day in
and day out. Have you considered joining an enthusiasts club?
Me: I’m not a joiner.
Dr. Weakly: (after an
impatient sigh) I can see that finding your backbone is going to be a long drawn
out process. It will require commitment, focus, periodic evaluation to
determine your progress, patience to tolerate the plateaus and a lot of time. Our
time is just about up. Let me ask you this, if you were I, and I was you, what
advice would you give?
Me: (after thinking for a long moment) I suppose I would
tell me to be optimistic for one thing. A few foul ups don’t define me. Putting
a positive spin on the events of my life doesn’t cost me a thing. It would be
to my advantage to remember I’m most likely not going to hit the ball out of
the park my first time at bat and I would remind me that I will survive the
humiliation of revealing my imperfect self. A few initial failures are a small
price to pay for learning and experiencing new things. Getting back to my yoga
and meditation routines will distract me from negative thoughts and release
endorphins that will help me feel happier and more relaxed. I need to define my
self-improvement goals in terms of baby steps. I must be accountable to a
mentor regarding my weaknesses and admit to any defects that come to the forefront.
I should trust that I am guided by a higher power greater than myself to
establish a list of defects and the correct order they are to be addressed.
Most of all, I would remind me that challenges and difficulties are a part of
life and my goal is not to have a problem free life but to monitor how I
respond to obstacles.
Dr. Weakly: (his eyebrows flew up in surprise). I think the
first order of business will be to get your ego to right size and remember who
is the therapist and who is the patient. Attacking others, especially
professionals, will only bring you setbacks. We need to project the right
images onto your mental screen. I have an undergraduate degree, a doctorate
degree in psychology and a master’s degree in forensic psychology. I believe that
qualifies me to tell you that you will require at least six months of intense
therapy and another six months of follow up therapy to address your issues.
Next week, same time?
Me: Yes. Check okay?
