The Secrets of a Happy Marriage

There is an abundance of guidance on the Internet, in bookstores, magazines, newspaper advice columns and talk radio about how to keep your marriage healthy. I’m not going to criticize the tips often touted by experts because they are important and I don’t want to disregard this valuable wisdom but there are things that no matter where you research get glossed over.  First, let’s go over a few of the more common suggestions.

Be your spouse’s best friend since the initial chemistry and heady lustful desires eventually cool down, hopefully to a warm steady burn. You want to be able to also be friendly outside of the bedroom. It’s important to marry someone you like too.  I did…this time.

I’ve been told that just allowing yourself to be playful with one another brings you closer together. My husband and I balance buckets of ice water over doors the other will be walking through. Recently I put black shoe polish on the eyecups of his binoculars. In turn he rubbed Limburger cheese on the manifold of my car. I wouldn’t recommend doing these things unless you are truly best friends like my husband and me.

Communication is important.  If we find ourselves bickering, I try not to have the last word, I let him have it and it’s usually, “yes dear.” My husband and I have daily conversation, texts, email but the most imperative question to be answered each day is, what do you want for dinner?  In the time we have been together we have never had to wonder about what was being served as our evening meal.

Don’t take your spouse for granted is usually at the top of the advice list and I do realize how important this is. I have the courtesy to look up from my tweets when my husband walks in the door.  I smile. Since we work on music together we try to be positive, respect each other and offer compliments. Sometimes we don’t succeed but when that happens we make ourselves a gargantuan ice cream sundae.  Ever notice that the world seems like a sunnier place while eating ice cream? No matter how many root canals you get.

Okay, so it’s easy to find these valuable marriage tips and many more involving money, religion, raising children, but as I said before, the genuine, deal-breaking difficulties that cause more marriages to fail are rarely mentioned, so here are a couple.

Paper towels are a chief necessity.  “Messes Happen”, says Brawny, and that handsome lumberjack advertises them, but I find they are just too rough.  My husband prefers them but I like, “The answer to life’s little messes”.  Viva is soft enough to wipe away a tear of gratitude for having such a wonderful marriage. What kind of paper towels do we use? Viva.  My husband brought home a roll of Brawny once and I used it as a base for my silk gladiola centerpiece.

I believe I saved a marriage once with a very simple suggestion. Some friends of ours, a very levelheaded couple, constantly argued over what type of toothpicks to buy. She liked the round ones and he preferred the flat ones. We avoided dining with them so that we wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire of this dilemma. Unfortunately, we eventually wound up at the same dinner party. Just as expected they began arguing bitterly over toothpicks. I finally offered, “Why don’t you buy both kinds?” They looked at each other as if they had just won the lotto. I never heard them argue about it again. By the way, buying two works with toothpaste, body soap, shampoo and mouthwash as well.

Another struggle is which way should the toilet paper roll…over or under?  This debate has been going on for years but there is a science behind why over is right. Hung in the over position, the paper flows freely and tears where you want it to, one-handed. Under has a tendency to hang up and unroll by itself, leaving a pile of unsanitary paper on the linoleum floor. This is preventable by installing the roll properly. Don’t let hanging it under ruin your marriage.

Do you have any comparable marriage threatening issues?