What If Insurance

I read an article the other day that more and more couples are purchasing Wedding Insurance. My first thought was…Really?  Wedding insurance?  Still, policies are being offered for as little as $95. Considering that the average wedding these days is $30,000, you certainly want to protect your sizeable investment don’t you? A couple of hundred bucks is a minimal investment to make sure things go well…just one small premium.

I love that word premium, don’t you? The word itself suggests a prize or bonus. It kind of makes you think you’re special and getting only the best for the money you spend. Yup, I pay my premium every month and I do feel special until I have to file a claim. All of a sudden my rating goes from special to zero and the interrogation, paperwork and groveling makes me want to say, “never mind, I’ll replace it myself but I’ll continue to pay my premiums in case the new one gets damaged.”

But that’s the downside of insurance so let’s keep this positive.

Truthfully, I have heard some heartbreaking stories about wedding days veering off course. Caterers, florists and photographers are a possible no show, wardrobe malfunctions and alcohol related disasters happen all the time. The negative what-if list is endless. Some policies even offer a ‘cold feet clause’.  I think insurance companies might make more money if they would consider offering Marriage insurance, of course all the possible exclusions and limitations of coverage would take years to list but I’ll bet they’re working on it.

Seriously though, what’s next? Why don’t they offer insurance for going grocery shopping or to the movies? These walks down the aisles have turned into major purchases as well. We are way too limited when it comes to protecting our financial investments.

Drive through insurance booths should be conveniently situated in every parking lot. Insurance packages could be numbered with a description of coverage that is available. Perhaps you want to cover yourself for a single shopping event or supersize your order to supply coverage over a period of time.

If you are making a quick run to the grocery store, the number one basic package would suffice. That would include any costs incurred by a virus contracted from handling the germ laden cart handle or being a victim of assault and battery by a crazed food demonstrator who stabs you with a toothpick because of their feelings of rejection caused by your refusal to taste the buffalo chicken dippers.

Injuries sustained from competing for the last box of Lucky Charms might be best covered under package two. But what if you drive to the store and they are out of the item you went for? Isn’t your time worth something? What about the gas money it took to get to the store or the feelings of guilt heaped upon you by individuals at the store entrance for not signing their petition to secure resources and funding to begin construction of a Death Star by 2016? I don’t know about you but I would love to recover all the dimes I’ve spent on bags because I forgot to bring my reusable ones into the store. Supersize me!

Movie theatres are another reason to buy insurance. Yes, package number one would cover an ankle sprain after missing that last step towards the aisle due to the lights being lowered 45 minutes before the movie starts so they could show previews, commercials and fun movie facts.

I once had a small, 32 ounce Dr. Pepper spilled down my back just after the man holding it got his pinky ring caught in my hair. I changed seats, was given an absorbent paper towel by the usher but spent the entire movie trying to find dry kernels in my medium size popcorn and I never did get the stain out of my blouse.

For the next reasons alone, I would buy the supersize package for moviegoers. On a scale of 1-10 (starting with 10) these are the reasons I would file a claim. Getting shot. People playing 20 questions in loud voices during the movie or talking on their cell phone. Dropping a smuggled bottle of Snapple from the last row and laughing hysterically as it rolls down to the first row. Crying babies. People with chronic coughs who have mistaken the theater for a hospital. People who ask questions about the movie all the way through it. And of course movies that have so many plot holes you get a migraine from rolling your eyes so hard.

There are many other possible niches for policies and I’m sure they will be addressed in due time. Until then, don’t walk down the aisles without it.